07 June 2009

Dear John Letter Generator

So, time for some fun!

I found a Dear John letter generator, and these were the results of my random selections.

Dear John,

By the time you read this, I'll be maxing out your Visa. I'm sorry for doing this but, you left me no other choice. I know this might comes as a bit of a shock to you - especially because you're an emotional cripple. But I'm sorry – I just need freedom. I think you're a schmuck, but I don't think we're right for each other. First of all, we're not compatible. You're a Republican, and I'm vastly superior to you. You like leather harnesses, you eat with your feet, and enjoy Aqua Velva, and I don't like any of these things. Your favorite movie is Anything Steven Segal, and your favorite band is The Partridge Family. Do you even know what my favorite movie or band is? I once asked you what color my eyes are and you said "White." Anyway, I want to date the first drunk barfly who'll talk to me. But you know what? I still want to be dead to you. We can totally file restraining orders. We had some good times, or so I think . But please, don't be bitter like last time. That means no committing arson. And look - I won't even make an issue out of the you owe me $5000, or the fact that you punched my grandmother. So take care of yourself - and O.D. on Botox.

Yours In Contempt,

Jane

P.S. I'll love you forever. Call me next week.

I'm a big fan of the signature. "Neurotically yours" is also and usually appropriate.

2 comments:

  1. OMG I LOVE THIS. link please? oh, & you were mentioned in http://mormontimes.com/mormon_voices/today_bloggernacle/?id=8175 (look at June 4th)

    just for the record, I wouldn't date someone whose favorite band is the partridge family. also, what on earth could he use those leather harnesses for?...?

    ReplyDelete
  2. I SAW! Isn't that great? I'm officially a bigwig ;)

    ReplyDelete

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