17 January 2009

Desire

Guess where I'm going today!

Go ahead. Guess.

If you said to the DRAPER OPEN HOUSE , give yourself a million points.

Yes, the wonderful thing about Utah is that whenever something like this happens, you can actually go and see it. And because our bishopric is so absolutely wonderful, they went out of their way to get us tickets so our ward could go.

And in light of recent events, I couldn't be more excited. Over the past several years, I have carefully searched, pondered, prayed, re-prayed--in the temple, in all states of mind and geography alike--about serving a mission. Last night, I felt a burning in the bosom-type feeling of holy writ. It's the confirming witness for which I've been waiting, and suddenly everything I've gone through over the past 6 months makes all the sense I could possibly ask for.

A mission. I have been absolutely terrified to become too attached to the idea of serving a mission because, in the event that I should get married before I graduate, and I would not be able to serve one. I feel I know myself pretty well, and I simply didn't want to face the regret and disappointment I know I would feel if that should happen.

But last night... it was as if peace had settled upon me, and it was no longer a question. I could do this. I could share what has come to mean so much to me in my life. If I was willing to make the sacrifice, the Lord would provide. I could turn in my papers and put my life on hold for 18 months so it could actually begin. I could become a missionary, despite the fact that I haven't had the years to prepare like so many of the courageous young people that have surrounded me here at BYU. I could learn. I have the potential to be that sacred vessel of life-altering, faith-building, undeniable, beautiful truth.

I can do this. The only question that remains is "Will I?"

It's a question that members of my wards and branches, members of both of my bishoprics, many friends, and even my family have asked me. It is a question I have barely begun to ask myself because I know me. Once I say yes, there is no going back unless I am threatened, beaten, and finally dragged back into my place--wherever that may be.

But I also know that when my Book of Mormon professor explained to our class that temple open houses often have tons of investigators and non-members present, I got excited at the very thought of perhaps being given the opportunity to speak to someone about the gospel. I wanted that chance to do what I do best, even though it gets me in trouble sometimes because of the way I choose to go about it.

I wanted to tell the truth.

And who knows. Maybe this is only the beginning of things to come, of the fulfillment of that most precious desires in my heart.

2 comments:

  1. Those kind of spiritual experiences are so cool.

    I'm glad you felt so powerfully that you "can" go; I hope you feel comfortable in whatever decision you reach about actually going.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Keep praying and searching for affirmation from Heavenly Father and He will direct your path through: scripture, open doors, people, and events.

    ReplyDelete

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