19 January 2007

Stubbornness

I almost lost my chance to go to the temple. Because tomorrow is my birthday, my mom wasn't going to allow me to go. Then I threw my version of a tantrum (which is more a guilt trip) and my mom finally gave in and said, "Do what you want."

I've worked too hard for too long for her to take this from me! I'll stay home on Sunday if I have to, but I WILL go to the temple! This isn't negotiable! I'm sorry, I know the scriptures preach obedience, but this is ridiculous! I shouldn't have to fight with my mother in order to be a member of this church at every single turn. It's unnecessary. What does she accomplish, other than seriously agitating me? And making me want to get away even more? Church is my refuge, and I can think of a couple of LDS parents that would trade one of their limbs for their child to have one iota of my faith and dedication! I look at the other Young Men and Women in my branch, and their very demeanor, the acquiescent silence in which that half-heartedly partake of the lessons, screams "I don't want to be here right now!" If they only knew how fortunate they are to have what I long for, pray for, every day!

Blessings are wasted on those that don't appreciate them...

What I would give to have parents in the church! I can't even begin to tell you! If my mother cared about the gospel, if church was something I could share with my family, instead of having that "line of demarcation" as a circle in the sand that divides me from them!!! If ONLY that were so! And the nature of this division only manifests itself more and more as I continue in the church... even tonight as I was preparing the names of my family members for temple work tomorrow. Only 1 of them can be done, and I didn't know that until a few hours ago. Apparently, if the person was born within the last 95 years, you have to have permission from the person's closest family to perform a baptism for the dead. That left me with one person I am able to baptize from my family. And I was inwardly very upset about that. My family is stubborn and not at all receptive of my choice. I would not have their permission to do this, so chances are, I'll be waiting until they all die before I can DO anything about this temple work I've been trying so hard to accomplish... but once again; to my family, I'm on the wrong side of the line.

And I can FEEL these family members on the other side of the veil becoming increasingly impatient. They WANT this work done! They've been waiting so long, and I got SO CLOSE! And NOW what?

The situation may look hopeless now, but that doesn't matter to me. I will do what I have to in order to be a faithful servant of Heavenly Father. I will not let some minor setbacks dissuade me from the straight and narrow. I have a mission, a work to do, and I will get it done!

(I inherited some of that stubbornness. Now, watch me use it!)

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